I Hate Fall Out Boy (But Mostly Pete Wentz)

My musical preferences ranges rather widely; I like anything from some of the heavier rock to electro/trance. For example, I listen to Oasis, Daft Punk, Disturbed, The Pixies and anything like that. The one band that I just cannot stand, however, is Fall Out Boy.

They’ve had some hits — I’ll even admit that I straight out like some of their songs — but the overwhelming inability to sing and the appalling lyrics eclipse even the work of the studio, which has skilfully covered the worst part of the singing, at least.

I listened to Fall Out Boy performing live in Phoenix, and wish I didn’t. The only thing worth listening to was the cover of Beat It, which admittedly was good, but the rest was an apathetic display of complete inadequacy. The ability to sing is just not there, and, at least to my knowledge, singing is quite an important element for a band. I know it’s difficult without a studio and all those fancy machines there to help you, but you’ve actually got quite a large audience of poor deluded people, and maybe you should at least reveal a shadow of justification of your position by showing just a tiny bit of talent. Oh, wait.

What in holy hell has happened to artists nowadays? They don’t own their own songs, they don’t even write their own songs, and the only qualification to be successful is to have considerably sized tits. Or in Pete Wentz’s case, have nice red emo hair and a cool t-shirt.

I wish I was cool like Pete Wentz :(.

Does this pompous asshole need any explaining? Woah dude, niiice t-shirt! “Friends Or Enemies Cum”… that’s soo insightful man. And ohmygod, I love what you wrote on the website: “When you think your personality is just a collage of Seventeen articles and cleverly contrived lyrics… read a book – talk to someone very old – fall asleep with the window open – write down a secret about yourself. Escape.” That’s so deep. Thanks for the advice man. I’ll bear that in mind the next time I stumble across something which is composed of “seventeen articles and cleverly contrived lyrics.” In fact, I happen to be writing an article about a band which fits that description very well.

And just what the fuck is up with the names of their songs? If they’re trying to be rebels; breakers and setters of trends or whatever, I’ll say this right now: asinine names like Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued is surely the right way to go about giving yourself the impression of being really cool and non-conformist. Every single person of the female sex will throw themselves like lemmings in your arms for song titles like these, in spite of your horrible singing and inability to write comprehensive lyrics.

Oh, the lyrics.

This is by far the worst part. Holy jumping shitballs. Hit single Thanks For The Memories, which allegedly is about “loving a girl so much, and being so jealous of her, that you just want to cut her up into pieces and eat her,” featured these insightful lyrics:

One night and one more time (One more night, one more time),
Thanks for the memories,
Even though they weren’t so great;
“He tastes like you but sweeter”!

All girls cum to lyrics like these. And to lyrics like these:

They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers
In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers
Get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes
I’m a liner away from getting you into the mood

So just how the fuck do you think in the form of crunching numbers, and how can you be a liner away from something? Either I’ve missed a huge chunk of the English language here, or that makes no sense. Besides, none of the lines relate to each otehr; each and every one of them is just a random sentence from nowhere. Now I don’t claim to be a poet, but I’m pretty sure that the lines in your lyrics are supposed to mean something when you put them together.

I wrote the gospel of giving up
(You look pretty sinking)
But the real bombshells have already sunk
(Pre-Madonnas of the gutter)
At night we’re painting your trash gold while you sleep
Crashing not like hips or cars
No, more like p-p-p-parties

Yeah. Makes perfect sense. Either Wentz has a lyrical mind of a complete other dimension, creating songs of such beauty that they are incomprehensible for simpler lifeforms like the rest of us, or he has shit-for-brains and an IQ of roughly -32.

You’d have to be fucking stupid to write this crap down and claim to be an artist. At least Bush, the man who used his eight undeserved years in office to bring oil prices from $17 a barrel to soon 150, fucked the dollar up good, shat on the victims of Hurricane Katrina and coined phrases such as “misunderestimation” has a tiny bit more sense than that. At least he is intelligent enough to mess up the economy.

In fairness though, Fall Out Boy reflect the pop-culture mainstream society of today rather well: they have masses of undeserved fans going absolutely nuts for no apparent reason, only because of good marketing. And this is where the problem really lies: artists with no talent receiving unjustified amounts of credit, fame, and money. The part about Fall Out Boy that annoys me is that they’ve done this not by playing pop, but by playing rock — false rock with no heart, guised as creativity under the cloak of extravagant song names and seductive lyrics, that under closer examination become just that: meaningless and contentless text with no value. Maybe someday things will change, maybe someday the heartless record companies will release the iron grip that they have on musicians nowadays, in order to bring out the best of the world, every artist fending for fame by theirselves. Until then, Pete Wentz and Fall Out Boy, go die in a hole.